This is monthly muses, a roundup of the month’s song, film, words, art and various thoughts.
But first, I am taking a little break from Substack.
I cannot pinpoint what it is exactly that is making me take this break. I could go on about self doubt or going off medication I’ve been on for years or how I’ve been having a ridiculously hard time just existing lately and I can’t seem to write anything good about any of it, but I need a break. I feel unsure in myself and my writing, and I have burrowed into this doubt (because if there is anything I tend to do, it is burrow into emotions) and it’s become this all-encompassing thought of: everything I have to say has already been said in more articulate, sensible, better ways, thus I should not say anything at all. But we simply cannot all be sure of ourselves all the time, and that is okay.
I will be back, likely in a month or a few. If I was able to, I would scamper off into the woods and tap away on a typewriter for a while, but I have such things as a job and classes and cannot do that. But I will be stepping away from most forms of social media (that tends to get my head straightened out), laying on the floor a lot, and working on my essay on bodies, which has become a very long essay about harm & conformity & disgust & need & a bunch of other not-so-easily digestible things—but I look forward to finishing it.
When I come back, I’ll be doing a bit of a reset on this Substack — there is nothing I love more than decluttering, resetting, etc, and I think this newsletter needs one. I want to make a more comprehensive schedule for book reviews, and I want to send out a little survey to get all your perspective on what’s next, among other things.
Now, onto April’s muses!
April’s film: Love Lies Bleeding (2024)
This film is Bound (1996) adjacent and I adore it for that. Love Lies Bleeding has it all and by that I mean it has Kristen Stewart as a lesbian with a mullet and Katy O’Brian as a ripped bisexual body builder both committing various crimes against a pulply 90s backdrop. Truly, what more could you want? I loved it because aside from being well shot, well acted, and well put together in general, it’s just a fun movie. It doesn’t take itself too seriously, but it does touch on some significantly important topics, and that balance is done exceptionally well.
April’s song: Fetch the Bolt Cutters by Fiona Apple
There is no song that captures what it is like to be a fourteen-year-old girl as well as this song does. No notes, it is a perfect song (and album).
April’s words: from Head of a Woman, 220 B.C by Brynne Rebele-Henry
“After, we walked through a cornfield and she said I just wanted to be holy/I didn’t want to be this way/wrong, she wrote each psalm on her thigh with Sharpie: An abomination/thou shall not lay shall not lay with your same, the slick of the cornfield’s skeins crunching under our feet like small bodies.
I etched her name into my arm with her keys and pretended I didn’t.
After you left, I stopped eating sugar and started drinking salt mixed with tepid water, filled the house with old stale pastries and let the frosting rot and mold.”
April’s art: Lauren Zaknoun
April’s restack:
This month I thoroughly enjoyed reading Miranda’s essay on the book The Shining by Stephen King vs. the movie adaption by Stanley Kubrick. It’s a fun read if you were, like me, deeply obsessed with both the book and movie at one point or another, and the parallels and critiques she outlines are wonderfully articulated.
Resources for doing some good in the world:
Find a protest near you - Canada
Palestine Feminist Collective Action Toolkit
That’s all for now, I will be back, and take care of yourself in the meantime!
I feel like this all the time. Whenever you are back we will be here!
fiona apple with kristen stewart… your mind.. 🫡🫶 home the time off is restful and restorative!